Major new blow for Cameron

Less than 100 days since becoming leader, David 'nice-boy' Cameron is thought to be reeling after being endorsed by a failed bus conductor. Speaking on BBC Radio 4's 'Today' programme a Mr John Major condemned sound bite politics before delivering enthusiastic support for the new Tory leader via a series of sound bites, one of which the BBC has since used in its so-called-news bulletins.

Mr Major failed the London Transport test to become a bus conductor. The criteria for becoming Conservative Prime Minister are not so demanding. In a recent poll 50.8% of voters in Huntingdon agreed that they'd gladly vote for a dead parrot provided it could be persuaded to wear a blue rosette.

The same Mr Major went on to lead Britain for seven dreadful years which felt to many, especially those who didn't have their noses far enough into the sleazy trough, like a century. Fortunately a super-hero, Mr Tony Blair, has spent the following eight and a half years struggling valiantly to bring this once great nation back to prosperity. In spite of the flinching of cowards and sneering of traitors, he has had much success.